Wednesday, June 17, 2009

struggling

I'm struggling a lot lately. There really is nothing particularly rough happening, Josh and I are great, my job is going well, I have been finding little bits of time to do some sewing and play with the bread maker, Delma is becoming a very fun little buddy, and Mimi is finally becoming enjoyable and engaging. But. Our days are long, both girls are up before 6 every day. Mimi is still very time- and energy-consuming. Delma is a toddler, 'nuff said. Our house is in a constant state of disorder, which totally messes with my sense of calm and stability. I am in the worst shape of my life and can't (don't) find time to exercise. At the end of the day I have no energy to blog. The weekends are fun but are filled with errands and go too fast. We don't have a dishwasher, so, oh those dishes. And don't even get me started about the laundry.

I'm pretty much feeling like a hamster on a wheel. It's all just basic life stuff, I know, and it's not stuff that's going to go away. But I just feel like we can't stay on top of things, let alone ever get ahead. The daily grind is sort of beating me down. I'm looking forward to Mimi getting a bit older and us having some more breathing room in our days. I want more joy, I want to create more magic in our world for my girls. I want to create beautiful little adventures and projects and memories.

I need to make a pledge to my family and to myself, to make it happen. I need to make the time, even in small bitty doses, to do things for myself like exercise and sew and write. I need to do more than just *manage* my children, I need to do more to enjoy them. I need to make some joy and magic. Or at least try.

3 comments:

Mary said...

Hang in there sweets. Things will get better...I promise....I had a lot of trouble around the one year mark but it gets much much much easier around 18 months. I promise. Hugs. Off to the farmer's market in the rain...will it ever stop raining???!!! I feel like I live in Seattle.

tastestopping said...

I just popped over after reading a comment on Heather Spohr's blog. Reading your post, I feel like I--and maybe thousands of other moms--could have written it. That is to say, I feel what you feel when I look around my house at the end of the day and think "How did this happen." I'm learning to go easy on myself and try to stay in the moment, knowing that a lot of those moments are going to be spent picking up toys, putting away dishes, and oh yeah, folding laundry. Hope your spirits pick up soon.

Gillian said...

hey heide - i agree with the above comment - i could have written this post myself, verbatim! really frustrating sometimes, in exactly the ways you said. from what i can tell of your life, though (cool smocks, breakfast cookies, etc.) you're doing more than you think to make your kids' lives special every day. exercise is another story... i'm in the same boat, feeling huge and stiff, and not able to find time for much change. anyway, we'll get there eventually, i guess. you're so fab. xoxox