Cry-baby

Miriam is 6 weeks old now, though for the life of me I can't figure out how that happened. The first 4 or 5 weeks she was sort of a breeze -- sleeping a ton, relatively easy to soothe and to get to nap. But the times, they are a-changin. Now she's more alert and is having more awake time during the day, and is turning into a major fussbudget. She doesn't transition well at all between wake and sleep, and if she's at all sleepy she just falls to pieces. And this girl screams and howls, and it seems to be getting worse every day. When she does get to sleep during the day, she has a hard time staying asleep. It's maddening, especially on the days when Delly is home with us too and I really want the baby to sleep so D and I can have fun. I can't work on any projects in the house or with D because at any moment that baby could need my full attention and pull me away. I can't pump breast-milk during the day because I don't want to get all empty and then have her wake up and need some nursing to be soothed.

All the soothing techniques that worked with Delma just make this baby angry. The swing and the car both used to make D pass right out and sleep forever. Not this one. The only way I can get her to calm down in the car when she's in her hysterics is to roll down her window for a while and blast her with all that cold air. That's going to be super-fun when it's freezing out. She likes to be rocked in her car seat on the floor, so you'd think the swing would make her happy, but no. She's like a little crazy-person.

I've been looking at the calendar to figure out when to go back to work. I was originally planning to be out 16 weeks, which would be the middle of January. But we just booked a trip to FL to accompany Josh on a work trip at the end of January so I'm going to go back to work right after New Year's in order to work a few weeks before taking off on a vacation. But now I'm actually considering going back a week or 2 earlier than that. I'm not going to make that decision just yet, but I'm going to stay open to the idea if the next month doesn't get easier or even gets worse. This is just too stressful for me, which makes me feel guilty and like a big weak loser, but I need to be honest with myself and take the best care of my family that I can. And if going back to work early makes me a better mom, then that's what I'll do.

Thankfully, she is sleeping great at night. We've got her on a little bedtime routine and by 9pm she is down for the count. She wakes up once at night, usually around 2:30, and then goes back to sleep for a few hours. Delma is up every morning at 5:30, and Mimi has been getting up just a little after that most mornings. And if the nights weren't so easy and predictable, I think these long tear-filled days would put me right over the edge for sure.

She's a little maniac, that Miriam. And she has the face of a little old man. But for those brief periods each day when she's actually happy, what a fun little old man face it is!